


Heat Waves

by ravenstrange



Series: Save Tonight [8]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, Loss, Short One Shot, i don't know what to tag this with either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenstrange/pseuds/ravenstrange
Summary: Like the heat, the loss of him is insufferable.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & V, Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Johnny Silverhand/V
Series: Save Tonight [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114709
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	Heat Waves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ruruie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruruie/gifts).



> song: heat waves; glass animals.  
> also this is all ruruie's fault <3

It comes and goes, and most of the time she pushes it away.

Sometimes, when she runs into him at Afterlife, when all they do is nod towards each other and go among their days, she’s okay. He seems happy. He seems content. He seems like he has the world at his fingertips, and it’s what she’s wanted for him. What she  _ needed _ him to have.

Other times, when she’s alone in her apartment late at night and thinks of him, she’s not okay. When she thinks of how they used to be. Of how complete he had made her feel. That she didn’t have to be so fucking scared of losing herself once this was all over.

But then he was okay, she was relatively okay but left with a hole she couldn’t close up. She couldn’t fight against it, no matter how hard she tried. She didn’t want to be alone. But what choice was there?

It’s easier to break down when no one can see her, and she can allow herself to grieve what she has thrown away so carelessly.

To be so damn connected to another soul like that, to know each other in and out – how was she ever going to recover from separating from him like that? As if breaking apart wasn’t also going to tear out pieces of herself as eventually he left her life?

It was bound to happen, she knows. Finally, free to live the life he wanted, she took solace in knowing that somewhere along the line, she helped him. Changed him how he had changed her. Brought him to live a better life that he deserved, maybe with someone else who deserved him more. Thinking that he would need someone stronger for the life he had now, because she wasn’t that strong anymore.

Because he was always going to be her weakness. Weakness would get her killed.

But when he walked out the door, and she let him,  _ that _ had been her killing blow.

It made merc life easier, at least. When it wasn’t the middle of one of the worst heat waves Night City had in years. An entire month, completely unbearable, weather never close to breaking like she was desperate for.

The only saving grace from the threatening heat was nighttime, temperatures only cooling enough that it felt more acceptable to get out. She did most of her gigs then, jumping from one to the next, not stopping. Never stopping, stopping meant time to think and evaluate her life and there was no point in fixing something already so badly broken.

And when she wasn’t working, she was drinking. Numbing any type of feeling that she had, but she could feel everything building. If she wasn’t careful, she’d destroy any part of her that remained.

Most of it had disappeared with him, and he had custody of those parts of her. She didn’t want them back. She didn’t deserve them back.

She couldn’t have it all. Life had taught her that. Losing too many damn people in her life, what was one more? Didn’t matter that he saved her more than once. Didn’t matter that he knew her better than anyone else could possibly know. Didn’t matter that when she allowed herself to think, it was just him over and over.

Better off. He was much better off.

Night was again when she’d go out. Gigs she promised Regina she’d finish, connecting with Padre and completely ignoring him when he tried to show any type of concern over her well-being. Becoming an expert at ignoring Vik’s calls, expert avoiding Misty completely.

She steals data from one client. She zeros a cyberpsycho, despite trying not to. She ends a small gang war. Shooting, killing, frustration taken out on every single job until there is nothing left for her to do that night.

As she wanders through the streets, there are little block parties. People trying to do anything to stay cool, sharing drinks and laughs, music blasting.

Then, as if gods existed and they were pondering how to provide to those below, the weather breaks. Rain, for the first time in two months, and people are dancing in it. Celebrating, laughter carrying through the air. She passes people hugging and kissing each other, as if there was a war that had finished. Relief, for something that had been building and suffocating for so damn long.

There was no relief for her.

Because with nothing else to occupy her mind as she walked home in the pouring rain, her mind was thick with memories. Memories of what she had done, and then worries of what she  _ should _ have done instead. Replays of things she couldn’t fix and couldn’t change, and she wasn’t sure if she should even try.

There’s a deep feeling that weighs on her chest, and without distractions it takes her under. It suffocates, it makes it hard to breathe, it threatens to black her out if she’s not careful. It’s not a relic malfunction, it’s a different kind.

Her heart stutters, as if it’s a warning of something to come.

Her hand grabs onto the railing over the bridge she’s on. She tries to catch her breath; she tries to get herself together enough to get home where she can at least suffer her memories and regrets in the quiet of her apartment.

The rain is hot as it hits her skin, soaking through her clothing, flattening her hair to her head.

Then a fleeting thought: wondering where he is. If he’s out in the rain like she is, if he’s enjoying the break in the weather. If he’s happy with someone else, arm around them and kissing them how she always imagined he’d kiss. If he’s just happy, in general.

Her heart lunges, and she takes a shaky breath in. The feeling of eyes on her, and with effort she turns to look behind her.

Under the streetlight, he’s on the other side of the street. Soaked from the rain, hair flattened like hers. A look on his face that mirrors her own.

It’s a magnetic pull that she can’t fight against, as she moves. He does the same, crossing over the sidewalk and going onto the wet pavement of the street.

With every step forward, her heart pounds louder. The air around her feels thicker.

They both stop in the middle of the street, inches away from each other. He looks her over, a soft expression on his face that she’s only seen once before. 

Before he left.

She looks at him with regret, of everything she’s given up, when she shouldn’t have. When she should have fought back and begged him to stay. Of how she just wanted him to find a life with someone else that actually deserved him.

Her eyes move down to his metal hand. Her bullet medallion that she thought she had lost dangles between his fingertips.

She looks back at him with wide eyes.

He takes a deep breath, as if he’s steeling himself for something impossibly hard to say. She tries to throw her walls back up, desperate to build it quickly brick by brick, but he tears it all down with a single word.

“Hey,” he says, coming out rough. But then, he smiles.

And finally, she smiles too.


End file.
